see now THIS is how you do an introductory google form
[ ID: two required questions on a google form. the first is "What are your pronouns?" which is answered "they/them" and the second is "What pronouns should I use when speaking to your guardians/family?" which is unanswered. End ID ]
Aftercare is paying attention to your partner and their needs after the sex is over, whatever those needs may be, after whatever type of intimacy has just taken place. Your partner will tell you what their needs are after sex, if they volunteer it, or if you ask them. Caring about your partner’s post sex needs and tending to them is something that should happen in all healthy relationships, whether they are based in BDSM, or are vanilla relationships. Aftercare is not a secret BDSM ritual.
Okay but genuinely yes.
Aftercare is important to roleplay.
nothing fills you with greater false confidence than managing to wake up early once
"this sleep schedule shit is easy" (← about to learn a lesson straight out of a fucked up traditional fairytale punishment)
queer discourse always seems to go like
"I get treated poorly by society"
"no you don't"
"hey it's kinda messed up to say that"
"you complaining about me being an asshole just shows that you don't have any REAL problems and just wanna be mean to the REAL lgbt people who are actually oppressed (please ignore that I have thoroughly derailed this conversation in order to make this argument)"
making up characters is so fun because you can be like “this is johnson he came from my mind” and all your friends will go “yippe!!! horray!!! we love johnson!!!”
very unfortunate but hilarious side effect of calling the example oc johnson in this post is now people are saying this in the tags
Johnson from my mind is the spiritual successor to Blorbo from my shows
[Image Id: tags reading “#LITERALLY #i love it when people show me their johnsons” /End Id]
flashback to when MLK Jr said the worst group in the US for black rights wasn't the lawmakers passing Jim Crow laws or the KKK but the white moderate. That it was the white moderate who was forcing the country to find a middle ground between civil rights and genocide which allowed the continued systematic mistreatment of the African American community
Disabilities don’t present the same even in people who have the same disability. Disabilities don’t even present the same one day to the other.
My point is that just because you see someone else with your disability doing something you can’t, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It doesn’t mean you’re not trying as hard.
The point is also true if you could do something one day but can’t the other.
Our abilities fluctuate. And that’s okay. You’re still just as worthy regardless of what you can or can’t do on any given day.
This especially goes to abled people. Just because you know someone else who was able to do something doesn’t mean your friend just needs to “try harder”. Believe disabled people when they tell you something isn’t doable for them.
Also good side note - sometimes we can technically do something but it harms us and that makes it not doable! We shouldn’t have to harm ourselves to make you feel like we’re trying enough.
Literally a huge yes to all of this but I also have another side note to add that I learned from a volunteer advocate who helped me get disability here in the UK:
First of all it’s to answer every question as if it’s your worst day, but also what they told me is that if something takes you at least twice as long (or longer) to do than the average, non-disabled person then consider yourself as just unable to do it. That’s not technically, entirely correct but it might as well be and I’ll explain why in a second.
But if you’re filling out forms for disability and check the box that says yes to “can you make a simple meal?”, then the (most likely non-disabled) person reviewing your application is going to assume that it’s taking you the same amount of time, mental and physical energy as a non-disabled person to do it. Which is untrue, so just say you can’t.
It’s also not being dishonest, it’s just a less detailed answer, even if you are technically able to do it. The answer to that question is highly nuanced and detailed and is just too complicated to explain in the tiny text box or small amount of time they give you. There are a lot of situations where you taking twice or thrice as long to do x task compared to the average person means you simply just cannot do it because you just don’t have the time nor energy available or due to external factors. In addition to this if you’re someone who for example has executive functioning issues then time spent trying to convince/force yourself to do the task contributes to the overall amount of time required to do said task, even if you’re not actively doing it.
For example, if your disability(ies) makes it so you literally need the whole day to get groceries and go to the pharmacy including waking up, getting ready and commuting there and back and unpacking what you bought, but you can’t get a day off of work/study or afford to miss a day at all to do that? Yeah you just don’t get to, you’re unable to do it. You just don’t get food and meds, that’s how that works. This also applies to people who don’t work or study because chances are that you are sacrificing doing another necessary care task in order to run that errand, usually eating a meal/using the groceries you bought.
This is also why people say it’s rather expensive to be disabled because in the case of being to in pain/exhausted to cook, you’re gonna order take-out or if you have mobility issues then you’re going to get an uber/taxi home etc. That shit adds up fairly quickly. So if you’re applying for disability that helps you with the exact costs associated with being disabled, mentioning that is actually relevant because being unable to afford those things to make up for being disabled impedes on your ability to do that specific care task.
So like… see how simply talking about getting groceries or picking up medication starts to become a really, really complicated problem and how it’s impossible for anyone’s situation to be exactly the same? You shouldn’t compare yourself because literally everyone’s situation is different, please be less hard on yourself.
There’s just SO many factors that get in the way of doing something and it’s extremely overwhelming and mentally exhausting, especially if your brain isn’t able to do prioritise tasks properly or do tasks automatically/habitually.
believing in narcissistic abuse is ableist and hurtful as hell because it demonizes a personality disorder caused by trauma.
